I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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