Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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