I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
