My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
