Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
