My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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