I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't deserve a penis
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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