Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
