I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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