I wannas sexs uuuuu
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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