I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
