Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
