Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
