Where is the hickey?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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