shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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