So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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