I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
