I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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