I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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