office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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