I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
