Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
