Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
