you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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