Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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