she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
