if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
