well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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