Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
