Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize