Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
