There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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