im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
