I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
