at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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