I'm really into asian looking animals
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
