At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
