The maid of honor just puked.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
