There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
