i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
