Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she smelled like a LAN party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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