Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
