Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
