Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
