Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize