I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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