I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
