i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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