every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
