My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
