I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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