hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
