I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
