You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
