we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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