Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
