good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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