After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
