shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
