Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
