I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
