White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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