maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
