Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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