My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
