You made me cry and you don't even care
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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