I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
