why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
