Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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