She said her name was "party"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
