you would pick up someone in the library
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
