we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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