It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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