I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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